arbor vitae

Of course we want to move on to college, supposedly the best years of our lives. And maybe it will be. Maybe we’re just so sick of high school already. I know I am. I’m ready to just get out and explore the world on my own. See new things, meet new people, experience life as an adult. I feel like I’ve been a kid, or at least treated like a kid forever. 17 years and several months, right? If that’s not forever, I don’t know what is. Just thinking about the future gets people excited. We can’t all be like Peter Pan, wanting to stay young forever, right? There’s always that longing to just grow up already and stop being treated like a kid.

After submitting UC and CSU apps, it’s like a huge weight being lifted off my back. Of course, I’m anxious to find out if I got into any of my schools, but that’s beyond my control. Now, it’s like, time to relax just a little.

I feel like we just started school a month ago. I didn’t realize that it’s already November and we’ve been in school for quite a long time. It’s nearly the end of first semester. It’s closer to our last semester. It’s closer to last moments in high school. I feel like I haven’t been cherishing the moments enough. I haven’t been utilizing my time to the best of my ability. I want this year to be memorable. I want to do all the things I’ve always wanted to do in high school. I want to accomplish things before I graduate. This is that last opportunity to do so.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that this is all bittersweet. I know I’ve had my moments of anger and hatred at the world, especially my school. But I truly love it, from the campus, to the teachers, but most importantly, my classmates and friends.

I’d like to see everyone again after high school. Even just for a few minutes of catching up if passing each other by on the street. But the chances of that happening are slim to none. I’ve grown accustomed to these people. I don’t know if I’m quite ready to let go of them yet.

My feelings about senior year are very bipolar. In the end, I know I’m going to cry and get emotional. That I’m certain about.

I really don’t like not being able to talk to people I used to talk to a lot. All because I don’t have any classes with them. Friends that I used to talk to everyday don’t have any classes with me, and I don’t really hang out with them outside of class. So naturally, we don’t see or talk to each other anymore. I just want to talk to them, but there’s never really an opportune time to. I just miss them, I guess. I miss them a lot.

A simple wave or hello or a passing glance where it’s too awkward to greet isn’t enough to fulfill that empty void in my heart.

mega cheese, but it’s true.

econ grade. WHAT THE HECK? I’m at a shameful grade now. And I didn’t even know how to do the FRQs yesterday. But I’m confident that I can bring that disgusting grade up. So…let’s do it.

Surprisingly, AP Gov did not drop that much at all. I did terribly; probably the worst I’ve ever done on a quiz. But my grade barely dropped; just a miniscule point something percent.

Time to get crackin’ on studying.

why have I not listened to the whole album before. gorgeous.